Journal 36

 " Be what you would seem to be. Or, if you would like it put more simply: Never imagine yourself to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what  you had been would have  apperaed to them to be  otherwise."--The Duchess, Alice in Wonderland.  (I know this line off the top of my head becasue i had to memorize it because i'm the Duchess in the play and i thought it was appropriate)  Even though the Duchess makes little to no sense here, the message is still there. Duchess is telling Alice to be herself, which is one of the most important thing you can do. It's really hard to be yourself sometimes because no matter where you are or who your with, you always feel like there is pressure on you. Everyone is afraid of what everyone else thinks of them. It's just a fact. People get scared of judgement, so they try to withold their true selves sometimes to escape embarrasement or the possibility of being disliked by others. The truth of the matter is, if you aren't real with people, then you are lying to them. Everyone does it. If you meet a brand new person, and you want to seem a lot different than how you really are, that is a normal response. But even so, you should do your best to stay 'real' with them and "be what you would seem to be". Be who you are. We all put on a face sometimes. When i meet a stranger, i appear to be shy and modest, when in reality, i'm a lot more energetic than that. But that can't be confused with 'lying' about who you really are. Being yourself also depends on who you are with. If i'm with my family at home, i consider that my true self. With them, i'm comfortable, and i don't care what they think about me because i know they allready love me. That love is permenant, it will always be there. They can hate me for a day, but deep down they still love me the way i am. With other people, there is no 'permanant' love. There is only a judgement of others as they determine if you are the person they want to befriend. As you get to know them, they get more comfortable with you and you bond. Another thing is, if you aren't youreself with someone from the start, and then you suddenly feel like changing, it really tends to freak people out. I'm a very complex person myself, and i have my moods, and my 'personality' changes depending on who i'm with. In one class i'll be kind of quiet or shy if i don't know the people in there as well. But if i'm in a class where i'm very familiar with the people and they're "my kind" of people--or people who i get along with well, then i tend to be a lot more like myself. The person i'm my complete and utter self with is honestly my sister Faith. Faith and i have grown up together. Like, almost every second. I don't remember not having her because we're less than a year apart. Anyway, we've done everything together and gone through the same things. We know eachother so well--so well that if we get in a huge fight, all we have to do is leave eachother alone for a little while, then we come back together and it's like it never happened. We don't have to apologise becasue we knew were both sorry. Anyway, i feel like i'm my complete and utter self with her because i understand that she likes me the way i am. I think everyone should have a friend that they are that close with.